


Depression

by insanitysdelusion



Category: Original Work, depression - Fandom, journaling - Fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-15
Updated: 2019-12-15
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:47:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21798577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insanitysdelusion/pseuds/insanitysdelusion
Summary: I was feeling a little depressed and I just wanted to let it out and talk about how I feel to everyone and no one in particular. If you read this, thank you for listening.
Kudos: 5





	Depression

I sat curled underneath a velvet blue blanket with a cup of warm coffee cradled in my hands. There were things to do and places to be, but I just couldn't get myself to do anything but stare at the cream colored wall in front of me. A train to catch, a grocery store to browse, maybe even start on that math assignment due in a few hours... but I just couldn't. Nothing seemed to matter but what was going on in my head, the drippy sad and heavy feeling of depression crawling on my shoulders. It felt almost like someone had placed a soaking wet blanket on top of me, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move, I felt like I was suffocating silently for everyone to see.   
All I have to do is throw the blanket off though, right? Swiftly pull it from my shoulders and free myself from my own peril... Right?   
But it doesn't really feel that easy, it never has. It's all around me, everywhere I go, everywhere I look. There's nothing I can do about it. It just is.

I can hear cars come and go from the gravel drive in front of my apartment, I can hear people going about their days, laughing and existing in their own personal worlds that don't involve me. I'm unimportant in every life but my very own, and for some reason that hurts.   
I do not matter. I do not matter one bit.   
But why should it hurt? Why does it hurt? I shouldn't feel obligated to matter to anyone but myself, though something inside me says "unless you matter to those existing around you, you matter to no one". I try really hard to forget those words and to move on in my life. I try to live my best life and smile, listen to loud music, laugh at myself, but sometimes I can't. Sometimes when I'm alone all I can feel is the heaviness surrounding me, trying to suffocate me. I just don't know how to make it stop.   
I know that it comes and it goes, but when it's here, surrounding me, I don't know what to do with myself.   
I watch movies, I scroll through my phone, sometimes I even try to participate in the hobbies I usually enjoy. But eventually the movie ends, the phone dies, I run out of thread, and then what?

I stare at the wall and let it suffocate me.


End file.
